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A
Your current situation presents you with a difficult challenge.
Although you would like two of your daughters to "get their
own place," your wife apparently does not agree with you.
In spite of her reluctance to be a full time caretaker to her
grandchildren, she will not ask any of the children to leave home.
This difference creates a division in the family, your wife and
daughters against you, with you as the "bad guy."
In the face of your wife's and daughter's
opposition, your only chance to have the latter move out would
require taking a very strong position that might force your wife
to choose between her husband and daughters. This stance would
be perceived as extremely harsh by your family and may seriously
harm your relationships with them. I therefore would not recommend
this strategy.
The problems between you and your
wife are, I assume, related to your attempts to change her, to
advise her regarding her behavior toward your children and grandchildren.
I advise that, as much as possible, you stop trying to change
your wife. If she complains to you about, for example, the burden
she is experiencing, listen sympathetically; do not even talk
to her about an alternative. She knows what it is.
Instead of focusing on her, define
for yourself the kind of father and grandfather you want to be
-- how much you wish to give and what your limits are. When you
accept your wife, you may no longer be a target of her anger.
This may enable her to eventually reassess the situation. It is
only with her as a partner that you will be able to move toward
a less demanding nest.
Fran Ackerman,
WholeFamily Expert
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