Peter and Vanessa were very curious as to why I'd asked them to come alone, and certainly suspicious. The four of us sat down to lunch together, and although I'd gone to a lot of trouble, I don't think either of them noticed what I'd served. I suppose Vanessa had an inkling about Ron from what Olivia told her, nevertheless she was in shock.

"You don't know him well enough" she blurted out, as though he were not sitting there. "He's nothing like Daddy" she added accusingly. Peter had the manners to offer his hand to Ron and to kiss me, but he was very reserved. I felt hot tears behind my eyes, but Ron took over.

"I'll neverforget your father or our life together. But he is dead, and I am still alive. Do you begrudge me happiness for my last years?"

"I know this is hard for you" he said, "but your mother and I were both lonely until we found each other."

"That's not true" Vanessa countered. "We included her in everything. She was never alone."

"You can be with people and still be lonely," I explained.

"You and Daddy were so wonderful together. How could you forget him se quickly?" she added.

Anger was rising in my throat and I tried to swallow it. "I'll never forget your father or our life together. But he is dead, and I am still alive. Do you begrudge me happiness for my last years?"

Tears rolled down her cheeks. Peter covered her hand with his. "Sometimes people don't think things through completely. You're very vulnerable Mom." Turning to Ron he added: "I think that's what my sister means."

"I can take care of her" Ron said quietly. "I have financial security and I own my home. I am healthy thank heaven, and I think I can provide for all your mother's physical and emotional needs."

"What will happen to your home?" Vanessa blurted out. "Will you still live here?"

I'd anticipated this. "No, I'll live at Ron's house. But I'll rent it out. I won't sell it. I have left it jointly to you in my will. That won't change."

"It will be hard to see strangers living in it" Peter commented. "The kids are so used to visiting you here."

"There are always changes in life." I replied. "Do you think when they grow up they won't move on to college, bachelor apartments, travel, marriage? maybe even living in another city or even another country?"

I realized that it would be different from now on and Iknew my first loyalty must be to my new husband. But I was scared ofan estrangement from them. I needed their love and approval as much asI needed Ron's and felt I couldn't survive if lost either.

They were both silent. Finally Ron opened a bottle of champagne. "Won't you toast our happiness?" he asked . They dutifully raised their glasses, but Peter's eyes were sad and Vanessa's filled with tears. I hadn't expected an outburst of joy, but their lack of understanding and empathy hurt me very deeply.

My greatest worry was that Ron would hold their coldness against them, and would not welcome theminto our home, or resent my daily phone calls to them in which I shared all the details of my life and gave my own input into theirs and their children's. I realized that it would be different from now on and I knew my first loyalty must be to my new husband. But I was scared of an estrangement from them. I needed their love and approval as much as I needed Ron's and felt I couldn't survive if lost either.

Although Ron was anxious to set a date for the wedding, I asked him not to rush me making vague excuses about arrangement I needed to make first. It felt a bit sneaky, but I invited all my family to come over early one evening without Ron being present, so that I could hear their objections and hopefully to overcome them.

>From the moment I opened the front door to them, I sensed it would not be like any of our other family get-togethers. There was no bantering, no spontaneous hugging even from the children. It reminded me more of a wake than anything else, the only thing missing was the body.

I busied myself with refreshments waiting at least for one of the grandchildren to come and show affection. Whatever Vanessa and Peter had told their spouses and children, everyone was very solemn. Even Peter's youngest boy, Brad, who was only 4, sat there sucking his thumb, while from Olivia and Brian, Vanessa's children, I felt real hostility.

"Will this be the last time we visit you here?" Olivia asked.

"Of course not. And when I move, you'll visit me at the new house."

"Maybe that man won't want us to" Brian ventured.

"That man's name is Ron. He likes children very much and I'm sure he's going to like you. He has grandchildren himself and they might become your friends."

"We don't know where his house is" complained Brad.

"It won't just be his house, it will also be my home. I'll pick you up and drive you over whenever you want to come" I assured him.

"What will you do with all your furniture and the things that belonged to Dad?" Vanessa asked.

"You and Daddy were so wonderful together. How could you forget him so quickly?"

I hated the discussion, but tried to keep my voice even. "Well, anything of Dad's that you want for yourselves, you can take. I'll take a few things that I want and the rest of the stuff will remain here . I'll rent the house furnished and as I said before, I'm leaving both the house and its contents to you and Peter."

"I don't want to offend you" Peter said cautiously, "but have you really looked into his er Ron's background? Why his first wife divorced him, if he's really OK financially, that he's not going to sponge off you? You can be pretty na?ve you know Mom."

"I think the questions you have asked are insulting" I said quietly. "I understand your concern, but I am not stupid and I am not na?ve. I would like you to see how the members of the Gardening Club revere him, and most of them have known him for years. I think Dad would have wanted me to marry again someone as fine as Ron is. It's only because our marriage was so wonderful that I have the confidence and the belief to try marriage a second time. Why can't you be happy for me?"

By this time I was crying openly, and everything changed. My children and grandchildren, some of whom were crying too, put their arms around me. There we were, clustered in a circle of love, and I knew it would be there for me, to protect and nurture me, for the rest of my life.

How would you have answered their concerns?