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Ron didn't seem deeply
concerned about what his three children would think of me. "They
get on fine with their mother's second husband, no reason they
shouldn't like you" he said off-handedly. "Besides,
it's really none of their business."
I couldn't take such a casual attitude
when I thought of Vanessa and Peter and their families. I needed
their approval and understanding desperately, and in fact didn't
know if I could marry without it.
The idea of telling everyone at once
was too much for me. "We'll invite them all to lunch at a
restaurant, their spouses and all the grandchildren too,"
was Ron's suggestion. When I tried to picture it in my mind, it
was like a scene from Dante's "Inferno". I didn't know
how his side would behave, but I had no faith that my son and
daughter, or even my grandchildren, would just say "Congratulations"
and leave it at that. We always discussed things to death, even
trivial things like whether I should install air-conditioning.
The pros and cons of that had taken weeks to finalize, with Peter
getting quotations all over town and Vanessa comparing all the
brands. They would certainly not accept a future stepfather just
on face value.
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| I needed
their approval and understanding desperately, and in fact
didn't know if I could marry without it. I sensed a certain
coldness. Women are more perceptive about these things. |
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I convinced Ron to do things in three
stages. First we'd make a surprise party at the Gardening Club
next Thursday morning. All the members were our friends and we
could relax knowing that they would be happy for us. Then
we'd invite John and his wife Lori, Fern and her husband Wayne,
and Meg to a restaurant for lunch and announce it to them. If
they would take it in their stride as Ron was sure they would,
that would be one obstacle out of the way.
I decided to invite just Vanessa
and Peter to come alone for Sunday lunch, without their spouses
or children, to meet Ron. It would be a very emotional scene I
was sure, and my stomach turned over every time I thought about
it. If it went OK, we could have a party for everyone later.
The Gardening Club announcement was
a delight. We waited until after Ron's talk on roses, the queen
of flowers, which are steeped in history. In fact, by 3000 B.C.E.
the use of roses in aromatics for cosmetics and embalming was
well known to the Egyptians. Nero once spent 4 million sesterces
(today $50,000) on roses for a single Roman festival. His lecture
centered on pruning rose bushes and how to extend the rose's life
as a cut flower by cutting cleanly on the diagonal, stripping
the lower stem of leaves and adding an aspirin or drops of bleach
to the water in the vase.
After the talk, when Ron told them
of our engagement, I'm sure I was blushing brighter than his crimson
blooms. It was not such a surprise as I had thought. several of
the group said that they had guessed but everyone was warm and
effusive in their good wishes.
The luncheon with Ron's children
also went off well. John and Fern and their partners seemed quite
happy for their father and were much better behaved than I expected
my two would be. Only Meg, the single one, was very quiet and
I sensed that she resented me and was probably mentally comparing
me to her mother. She was the only one who didn't kiss me, and
even though Ron said afterwards that she was not a demonstrative
girl, I sensed a certain coldness. Women are more perceptive about
these things, and I felt that there could be trouble ahead. I
was glad her mother had remarried in case she'd been harboring
thoughts of getting her parents back together.
I didn't know how to prepare Ron
for the fact that my children would probably not take the news
in the same way that his family had. It was terribly important
to me that they should like each other. I knew that he would expect
to be my top priority in the future, yet I was so bonded with
my children and grandchildren , I wouldn't be able to handle it
if I were forced to keep making choices between them and Ron.
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