|
A:
Hey.
Welcome to the Wide Wild World of Female Conquest,
A practice dating back to the dawn of man. Initiation
rites and hazing rituals are not necessary only because
the sheer terror of the process is enough to break
the strongest and most suave among us (e.g. the weak
knees).
First take comfort in
knowing that the feelings you're experiencing overall
are normal and right on schedule in relation to your
emotional development. The tricky part is - how to
make sense of it all. Asking a girl out, whether for
the first or the ninety-first time, can sometimes
be scary or a little threatening. Whether you want
to admit it or not, asking a girl out means facing
the possibility of rejection and I don't know anyone
who enjoys rejection. At the same time, that is probably
the worst-case scenario; she'll say "No".
Once you remind yourself that it can't be worse than
that- it greatly lightens the stress you feel beforehand.
Before we think about
girl-gettin' strategies you need to ask yourself,
"Why do I want to ask this person out at all?"
If you're seeing your friends pairing off, we may
be looking at a peer pressure related situation. This
is not a viable reason to ask anyone out.
If, however, you're seeing
an individual who is worth getting to know better
on a more personal level, then perhaps there may be
just cause for your affections. I would be remiss
if I didn't remind you that at 15, you need not feel
rushed or pressured to start a new relationship. You
have plenty of time to explore serious relationships
further on down the road. For now, focus on building
your existing platonic friendships.
If you are intent on
taking this friendship to a new level, then you're
starting off from a great foundation. On the flip
side, it's also a risky starting point. Going from
"friend" to "girlfriend" and back
to "friend" is a transition more easily
said than done and can carry serious repercussions
if mishandled.
I suggest you very casually
ask her out as you would any friend - only more often.
If she mentions a movie she's been interested in seeing
...Guess what... that's the exact movie you've been
wanting to see...Are you catching on? Ask her to meet
before a school function for pizza, donuts, or coffee
(really, don't drink coffee it was only an example),
or invite her over for a video.
Here are three suggestions
you can try. See which one suits you;
- Bite the bullet.
Just take a breath, go up to her and tell her what
you're thinking. There's certainly something to
be admired about a guy who can swallow his pride
and express what he's feeling no matter how embarrassing.
Most girls recognize and appreciate this quality
in a guy.
- Write her a letter/note.
This is a safer yet perhaps more personal means
of letting her know how you feel. You've done it
once already when you wrote in to us so it should
actually come easy for you. Simply address your
amorous intentions to her, and be sure to let her
know how she can respond. Perhaps via E-mail at
first until you feel more at ease face to face.
- Mutual go-between.
Enlist a trusted friend to feel out the possibility
for you by asking her if she's open to meeting someone
new.
Whatever you decide to
do, I want to strongly remind you not to mistake an
attraction or crush with love. While advice from your
peers can be enlightening, please remember that everyone's
experiences are different and personal to them. What
may be true for one is not necessarily true for another.
Most importantly, I suggest
you find a male adult you know with whom you can confide
in. This can be your father, guidance counselor, trusted
teacher, coach, older brother, or anyone who can give
you a consistent and educated male perspective.
We wish you luck on your
quest and remind you that the "asking out"
is the easier part of the process. It's the "what
do I do with her now?" part that gets messy.
All the best,
- David
Also
see: Relationships - Peers: Crushes and Dating
|
