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I can certainly see Leon's point.
He has me convinced that his parents are unreasonable tyrants.
But, whoops, wait a minute. Maybe they aren't quite so bad? Leon's
anger is understandable, and not unusual during the teenage years.
Find me a teenager who gets along with his parents all the time….
Leon's whole monologue is about
letting go and growing up. He would like to make more decisions
about his own life, including what he watches and reads, how
he dresses, having a pet, and who his friends are.
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Yet, it sounds like Leon and his
parents need to start talking about some of the real things going
on, before Leon's anger gets out of control, and before his behavior
starts deteriorating.
When kids grow into the teen years,
parents often have a hard time changing their parenting behaviors.
While it may have been appropriate to tell your ten-year-old when
to watch TV, and what to watch, it is important to remember that
teenagers need more independence and a sense that they are in
charge of their own lives, within limits.
Leon's parents might sit down and
talk to him about their rules. It would be helpful for them to
listen to Leon's problems with these rules and expectations. They
may then be able to problem solve together - and maybe come to
some kind of compromise.
For his parents to simply lay down
the law might seem to be a good idea at first, but actually seems
to be counterproductive. Leaving Leon in charge, telling him that
they feel he is old enough to make certain decisions, while suggesting
what they feel to be good ideas, allows Leon to choose.
He will probably choose wisely some
of the time, and some of the time he won't. Allowing him to live
with those consequences is part of growing up.
Leon's whole monologue is about letting
go and growing up. He would like to make more decisions about
his own life, including what he watches and reads, how he dresses,
having a pet, and who his friends are.
At age fifteen, teenagers are often
very critical of their parents' values, ideas, and life style.
Why are they so critical?? What they took for granted in earlier
years suddenly becomes unbearable. Why does this happen?
A part
of the growing up process is trying out new behaviors
As part of the growing up process,
teenagers develop the ability to think about their own thoughts
and the thoughts of others. A result of this is realizing that
there are many different kinds of lifestyles, values and ideas.
Trying out, even for a short while, some of these different ideas,
behaviors, and ideologies allows teenagers to feel independent
and separate from their parents.
Parents need to realize that if they
allow their children freedom, within limits, the trying out period
often quickly passes. If every time a teenager tries something
out, he meets anger and resistance from his parents, then he will
often become locked in mortal combat with the parents over issues
ranging from curfew, to homework, to clothing and entertainment.
It then becomes much more difficult to abandon the new behavior,
because to the teenager it feels like he is "giving in"
to his parents, and losing control over his life.
It is important for teenagers to
have limits, but good to keep them to a minimum, such as curfew
and safety and health issues (drugs, sex, etc.). Clothing and
homework may be good areas for teenagers to try out new behaviors
and exercise their own control.
The teenage years can be difficult
for both parents and children. Learning to negotiate with each
other is a challenge. Remembering that mutual respect lays the
foundation for all successful negotiation is imperative. If Leon
feels that his parents respect him, he will return the respect
and communication can proceed. His parents need to learn not to
feel threatened if he criticizes their choices.
The dance is a delicate one, but
both sides can learn the steps!
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