I'm 30 years old, standing in a McDonald's, waiting for my nieces and nephews to place their orders. I've got my feet crossed and my arms folded. In my head I hear, "Don't stand like that!" and I uncross my feet and drop my arms. Then another voice comes in and says, "Hey! Stand whatever the hell way you want. You're fine just the way you are."

I'm 50, waiting in line at a bakery when I run into an acquaintance who has just adopted a baby. We start talking and I suddenly feel that everyone in the store is watching, judging. I let my eyes dart around and I see what is really happening: People are totally focused on their own errands, their own thoughts. "Theyr'e not judging you," the voice inside me says. "You're fine just the way your are."

You're Fine Just the Way You Are

There is nothing more oppressive than that small, persistent voice that chants, over and over like a mantra: "There's something wrong with you."

Seven little words. Heard 20 years apart and several times in between. After more than half a lifetime of internalized and relentless self-criticism, they're just beginning to sink in. And they make all the difference in the world.

I feel like I'm beginning to face the world and its inhabitants with the assumption that they will like me - rather than the opposite. If you've ever been in jail, you know how I feel. It's like the gates have opened and I'm free. And there's the catch: You can't be yourself until you're free. And you can't be free until you silence that infernal, internal judge.

There is nothing more oppressive than that small, persistent voice that chants, over and over like a mantra: "There's something wrong with you;" or "You're not good enough," or just "You're not okay." That nagging voice has tremendous power, affecting everything you do, say and feel.

It is the primary symptom of what I like to call "CSCS" (Chronic Self-Criticism Syndrome) which is reaching epidemic proportions in the Western world. It affects millions, but people between 13 and 19 are particularly vulnerable.

CSCS is highly resistant to cure. In fact, legions of psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers make their livings battling its symptoms and effects of.

The exact causes of CSCS have yet to be identified, but some facts are known: A critical mother or father can set the syndrome in motion. So can a thin skin. Given the fact that "children can be cruel," almost everyone at some point gets put down, teased, insulted. Those who look or act or dress or talk or think or eat a little differently will invariably get put down even more.

So the next time you hears that voice or act on its misguided authority, stop yourself. Tell that inner critic to get lost. Know that you're fine just the way you are.

It is not yet known whether these people tend to become interesting adults because of their differences or because their differences give them observer and/or outsider status.

Here's something else we know about the syndrome: It manifests itself in the form of a voice, often unconscious (which means you don't really hear it or even know about it) that tells you things about yourself that are incorrect. But because the voice speaks with such authority, you believe it. Psychically, you begin to cower before it, to bow your head, to act as if there really is something wrong with you when the truth is just the opposite.

The truth lies in these words quoted from Marianne Williamson's book, A Return to Love by Nelson Mandela, the great South African anti-apartheid leader:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We war born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

So the next time you hears that voice or act on its misguided authority, stop yourself. Tell that inner critic to get lost. Know that you're fine just the way you are. And let that light shine. You will be surprised by its power.