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One morning my father caught me spilling
my breakfast down the sink. It would not have been a big deal,
except that he happens to be a pediatrician, and I happened to
have just lost twenty pounds in the last two months. He put two
and two together, and freaked out. Welcome to Parentsville.
The confusing thing is, everyone,
including my mother, has been telling me how great I look lately.
The woman whose kids I take care of in the evenings said that
I was her "inspiration" to go on a diet.
My grandfather told me that I looked
sleek and pretty. (Didn't know grandfathers noticed that stuff,
did you?) I had expected good reactions from my friends, but adults
have complimented my new body even more. And then my dad tells
me I'm hurting myself! It's not like I was starving myself, or
anorexic - just dieting. Since when is weight loss bad? Isn't
that exactly what adults are obsessed with?
When I confronted my dad with this
point, he called up a friend of his, a nutritionist, and asked
her to speak with me about balancing a "healthy, weight-maintaining
diet" - - without "starving" myself. As if.
I have to confess that I was
pretty rude to her when she came over. I felt totally invaded.
Who was this chick, telling me what to put in my body? She
did have a few very good things to say, though, and I had
to listen, to be fair.
We ended up negotiating a diet that
would add calories (and we wrangled over every single calorie,
believe me) but that would mainly just put the calories which
I do eat to better use. That part is cool.
I have started this new diet
with many doubts. First of all, for a while I was still angry
at my parents and at this strange woman for intruding on my
privacy. I've tried to get over that part of it, though -
- I mean, everyone's got to do their job, right?
The part that still haunts me
is gaining back any of the weight - every time I take a bite
of food - especially food that I had out-ruled on my original
diet - I can see the scale creeping up, see my new clothes
getting tight. I am so nervous about gaining back the weight
that I cannot think of food without feeling anxious. I don't
want to disappoint "my public" (I'm not conceited,
just honest), and mostly, I don't want to let myself down,
to lose this control I've had over my body for so long.
However, since I have always claimed
to be a health-nut, and never want to be a hypocrite, I am trying
to do the "truly healthy thing" (says the nutritionist
) and I'm sticking to my new, "Doctor Dad Approved"
diet. I hope I can succeed at this and still stay thin. For the
time being, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. And my breakfast out
of the sink.
Editor's Note: This girl was lucky
- she was "caught" before things started to spiral out
of control, and is getting help. If you recognize yourself here,
get help! Tell a parent or trusted adult that you have become
anxious or obsessive about food, and that you are concerned about
your health.
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