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We
have all been there: Madly crushing on someone, and trying
to piece together clues like some two-bit detective. Did he
mean I looked good, as in, better than yesterday when I looked
stupid? Or did he mean I looked good, as in, he'd love to
have a bite? Does she think I'm cool, as in, yeah, let's hang
out? Or does she mean cool, like, cool enough for her?
Well, how do we find out? None
of us ever wants to ask for a clarification, unless we are
sure what the answer will be. And there comes a point when
having your best friend scout for you is pathetic. What to
do?
Here's a few good indicators
that he or she is ready to report for dating duty:
- The person finds lame reasons
to talk to you.
Like: "I heard your family
vacationed in the Ozarks last summer. My
dad has a cousin near there, Jebb Johnson. Did you run into
him?" Yeah, right. This is someone who just wants to
be a few inches away from you, saying anything. Go
for it. This also applies to the old "Can I ask your
advice about something? Your opinion as a girl / guy?"
When you become his or her favorite Dear Abby, keep your
eyes open: Nobody really has that many whiny questions.
- The person suddenly becomes
interested in country music or the Backstreet Boys or the
Williams sisters or whatever it is you talk about a lot.
Suddenly, she's got
Garth hanging in her locker, and makes sure you see. It's
pretty clear: Be flattered.
- Mr. or Ms. X seems somewhat
flustered by you. Like someone who is a telemarketer after
school, but can suddenly think of nothing when you ask,
"Hey, what's been going on?"
If he or she looks at you, startled,
as if you've just told them that you are really an alien
spy, you can be pretty sure the person is into you.
- The person acts more colorful
when you are in view: laughs louder, shows off his new football
move, tosses her hair, sings, etc.. You are not sure you
are the cause, but if it's pretty consistent when you are
around, start taking the hint.
- The person really looks at
you when you talk. Like your eyes are TV's, and Friends
is on. There's no looking around the room, seeing who else
is coming, or avoiding your gaze. He
or she stands a bit closer than normal. Everything kind
of dies around you, even if you are only asking about last
night's trig homework (which, of course, you already did
- see #1.)
Before you go up to bat, though,
remember to ask yourself the following questions before you
start dating anyone (even that to die for Dylan McDermott
lookalike from Calculus):
Does he or she respect me?
Does he or she treat me well,
and make me feel good about myself?
Does he or she have a real picture
of who I am, or do I have to pretend to be someone totally
else to win affection?
Does he or she have my best
interests in mind? Can I trust him or her to keep me safe?
Do we share anything other than
chemistry? Will we have something to talk about a few weeks
from now?
Be honest with yourself about
these answers, as hard as that may be. Trust me, it will be
worth it in the long run.
And now for the "one final
word of advice" part of the article. Here it is: Stay
in touch with your gut instincts. They usually tell you
when to go for it, when to leave it alone, and when to run
the hell the other way. If what your gut tells you makes sense
to you in the light of day, here's what you do: Listen.
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