Sexuality

Nancy is 12 years old. She is noticing changes in her body, and doesn't quite know what to do with herself...

My body is totally freaking me out. There's hair in all sorts of places. Wiry hair. In my armpits and Down There too. Shaz (that's Sharon) says I need to start waxing my legs and maybe my armpits too - OUCH! Shaz says that I could shave instead if I want to (which wouldn't hurt at all) but the hair would come back thicker and stronger and before long I'd look like a gorilla. No thanks.

Let's not forget my "breasts". Two sore little bumps on my chest. I can't wear my tops tucked in anymore because I'm afraid people will see the pathetic ant hill shape of my breasts. It's SO EMBARASSING! They're the poorest excuse for breasts ever! Kaz (that's Karen) has proper ones and wears a real bra, not a stupid training bra. What's a training bra for anyway? And that strap at the back with those stupid hooks bugs me.

I think the only half-decent reason to wear a training bra is to get my breasts used to being covered by scratchy material. Kaz says no self-respecting girl would be caught dead with a bra without any lace on it - bras without lace just look like sport bras - yuck. I suppose the other good thing is that when the guys slap our backs (for absolutely no reason except to check out whether we're wearing bras or not) - at least I have a strap there to feel. I would be UNBELIEVABLY EMBARASSED if all they felt were an undershirt!

Kaz and Shaz say that I'll never have a chance with Michael unless he knows I wear a bra. Plus they think I should make my breasts look bigger by shoving some socks into my bra. I tried it at home the other day and it was so uncomfortable. I was still wearing them under my dress at supper and my stupid big brother pointed at them and started laughing. I guess I hadn't put them in evenly or something. So Mom took me aside for a "little chat" about how "all good things come in their own good time". Whatever.

Kaz just started "receiving her Visitor". We call it that because it makes it sound kind of sexy. My Mom calls it menstruation and she says I'll probably get it any day now. She gave me a paper bag with three pads in it and a spare pair of underwear, to keep in my school locker "just in case". I hope I don't get it at school! What if some blood leaked through to my clothes and someone saw?! What if Michael saw?!!! I would absolutely die! I don't care if I never get my Visitor. It sounds so messy and dirty and Kaz says it hurts too.

Mom says it's really not that bad and that it's part of "becoming a woman". I don't know.

Kaz and Shaz think I need to wear low-heeled shoes because I'm a little bit taller than Michael is and if he knew, it would totally freak him out. Sometimes I'm not even sure I care. He used to be really cute. But now he's got this yuck dark hair on his upper lip and wannabe sideburns, and after he plays basketball, he really doesn't smell too good. Maybe he hasn't started wearing deodorant yet. On the other hand, he's a pretty cool guy - everyone thinks so.

And who knows? Maybe if we get a chance to talk sometime - he might even like me and not even care about how tall I am or how big my breasts are.