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Guest expert Karen Goldberg, MSSW, answers:
When children begin forming friendships depends on personality,
experience and lifestyle. If this is your child's first group
experience, it is not surprising that he hasn't yet made friends.
If, however, he has been in day care or nursery school since
the age of two and still doesn’t have friends at four,
I would speak to his nursery school teacher about what is
happening in the school socially. Does she encourage small
group activities and one-on-one activities among the children?
Also, ask yourself what you do to encourage your child to
play with other children? Do you make play dates for him and
then sit with the other parent (if he is not ready to let
you leave him at a friend's house?) A neighborhood park is
a good place to meet other children. Play dates can be made
at the park and eventually at each other's homes.
So many of our own activities center around individualism
today, including television, videos, computers, and TV games
like Nintendo. Don't we as parents sometimes sit the little
ones in front a box (any one of them!) so that we can have
time to ourselves -- even if it's only to do household chores?
It is important that we take a look at what we are encouraging
in our children. What emphasis do we put on socializing?
IF YOU WANT TO ENCOURAGE FRIENDSHIPS,
START YOUNG AND START SMALL
Get together on a regular basis with
another mother and baby so your child can get used to playing
next to another child.
In nursery school, encourage the teacher
to suggest to children to play together. Take the initiative
to set up play dates after school with children your child
likes. Set up dates with other mothers to take your children
to the museum, the library for story hour, the community center
or for activities like gymnastics, music or swimming. Above
all, be patient and understanding. Encourage, but don't push.
Some of us take longer to make friends than others.
If you feel that you have tried many
avenues and the child still doesn’t or can't make friends,
or if he seems too introverted or too sad-looking, it may
be time to seek professional help. If some trauma or crisis
has occurred, like the birth of a new sibling, a move to a
new home, or the prolonged absence of a parent, your child
may become clingy or want to stay home. Be patient and supportive.
Most important, just be there for your
child. He needs friends, but at this age, he needs you more!
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