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Guest
Expert Debby Porten, MSW answers:
Four- and five-year-olds tend to complain
a lot about not having friends. This is because children at
this age start to become more aware of friendships, exclusivity,
who plays with whom, etc. It might be worthwhile to look at
your own reactions when she tells you this.
Do you become really perturbed, concerned
and anxious? Or do you just accept it and say something like,
Gee, that's too bad?
Kids pick up on and are affected by
OUR reactions to what they say. It's as if she is looking
to you to determine how upset she should be about the situation
as she perceives it. If she senses anxiety in you, it will
feel like a bigger problem for her. If you talk about it with
a sense of confidence in her, she'll probably adopt that attitude
too.
It helps if parents can convey the
confidence that their kids are just fine and that sometimes
you find a friend and sometime you don't. This doesn't mean
you disregard what your child is saying. You can empathize,
support her and acknowledge her feelings. Try sharing similar
stories about yourself when you were a child and let her know
that everyone feels this way sometimes. But do this with a
sense of confidence that you know she's a good friend and
that there will be better and worse times, as there are for
all of us.
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