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Dear Jan,
What can I say? I've been there - the
close births of kids, the juxtaposed move, the potty training...
Each child is different, each parent
is different and each family situation is different (objective difficulty
of move, resulting stress levels, etc.) so what I'm about to write
has to be taken with a grain of personal salt (and maybe a few tranquilizers,
or a cup of hot tea and a nice massage).
The most important message for you
to give your 21-month-old is that you love him and you are there
for him. This is parallel to and supersedes any other issues you'll
be dealing with.
No matter how you prepare him, the
new baby will be an intrusion. However, if you continue to give
him plenty of love and closeness and cuddling, even together with
the baby, it will help him to feel better about that change.
As to the nursing - Yes, it is possible
to breast-feed two children at once. I have many friends who did
this. If you are interested in this approach, contact your local
La Leche League and they will be happy to advise you. If you feel
you cannot handle this, start slowly weaning him now. They can also
tell you how to go about this gradually. Remember to still hold
him close a couple of times a day, however, while you are giving
him a bottle, if he still takes a bottle, or while you are reading
to him or before he goes to sleep. It isn’t quite the same
as breast-feeding but at least it’s closeness.
As to the toilet training, why not
hold off on that for a while? With weaning, a move and a new baby,
that seems to be the one issue you can postpone, unless he is naturally
toilet training himself, in which case - go for it. But don’t
use any pressure in that area. Also, don’t be surprised if
he regresses slightly in his toilet training when the new baby arrives.
Just continue to give him lots of love
and support and don’t be upset when he has occasional toilet
accidents or acts out a bit about the new baby. I’ve quoted
this line before, but you can never hear it too often. The late
Dr. Robert Mendelson said in a lecture once, "The only thing
you should always be consistent about is loving your children."
I also suggest you read one woman’s
story, "Helping
Big Brother Make Room for Baby." Good luck and enjoy
your family!
WholeMom
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