|
During my last pregnancy, I found one
book, far and above all others, to be particularly helpful
to myself and to my three-year-old while she waited for her
baby sister to be born.
The
Runaway Bunny, by Margaret Wise Brown (author of the
classic Goodnight
Moon,) is about a little bunny who wants to run away.
When he announces his intention to his mother, she says, "If
you run away, I will run after you. For you are my little
bunny." But that doesn't deter little bunny. He says,
"If you run after me, I will become a fish in a trout
stream and I will swim away from you." Mother bunny replies,
"If you become a fish in a trout stream, I will become
a fisherman and I will fish for you."
The story continues with little bunny
becoming a rock on a mountain and his mother becoming a mountain
climber; little bunny becoming a crocus in a hidden garden
and mother the gardener who will find him; little bunny a
bird who flies away and mother the tree he comes home to.
Little bunny keeps thinking of ingenious ways to escape but
mom always comes up with a charming way to follow.
HELP FOR EXPECTANT PARENTS AND
SIBLINGS
I see this book as psychologically
helpful to expectant parents who have older children and to
young children who are awaiting the birth of a new sibling.
Reading this book as an adult I would
not have thought it would be particularly attractive to a
child. To adults, the book feels oppressive. That little bunny
wants to get away from his mother and he just can't get any
freedom.
But during my pregnancy and after
the baby came, my three-year-old became very attached to this
book. I have many books about becoming an older sibling but
this book -- which isn't outwardly about that -- was the one
she asked for again and again during this period. I believe
the message of this book for my daughter was that no matter
what happens, I will always be there for her. That was immensely
comforting to her during an insecure time.
The other books about siblings
were all directed toward the older sibling -- her feelings,
her process, the impending changes, her experience. But The
Runaway Bunny was also directed towards me, the mother.
It was telling me what I, as a parent, needed to do.
The birth of a sibling necessarily
entails a change of identity for an older child. The book's
message for me was that no matter how much my daughter changes
or how different she becomes, what she needs from me during
this time is to know that as long as she is little and needs
me, I will never let her go.
NO MATTER HOW BAD YOU FEEL,
YOUR MOTHER WILL STILL BE THERE
It's interesting to notice how
this mother doesn't let her boy go. She allows him to change.
She doesn't tell him no, it's not good to become a rock or
a flower, it's better to be a bunny; or, I don't want you
to change or I'll be sad if you do. She accepts it, she lets
him go off and become a rock, a bird, a flower and she adapts
herself to becoming something connected with that change in
her son. She contains him and his change. She sticks with
him no matter what. She doesn't do this just once or twice
but allows this to happen many times.
My daughter felt reassured by
this book. Children can often feel frightened by their feelings.
If they feel aggressive toward a new sibling they might unconsciously
fear that this means they will be abandoned or rejected by
their parents -- or that they might be replaced.
The bunny's wanting to run away
can be seen as an expression of feelings of frustration or
aggression. It's not a good thing he's doing. This book gives
license to feeling and expressing things that could potentially
be seen as being bad or hurtful or not okay. The bunny does
these things but he is not abandoned or rejected. In fact,
the message is that no matter how bad you feel, no matter
what expression it takes, your mother will still be there.
On a deeper level, the mother
in the story is the mother we carry around within us even
as adults. It's the internal security that allows us to change,
to take risks, to explore, to learn about ourselves. It's
an ego strength that allows us to comfort ourselves, to keep
perspective, to feel safe.
This experience taught me an
important parenting lesson. If your young child asks for a
certain book to be read to her over and over, swallow your
boredom and fulfill the request. It's there for a reason.
|
