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A: There
is no specific age at which a child starts to need to his father.
Even during infancy, if the mother is the primary caretaker, the
father can be a familiar and contributing presence. Certainly
by toddler age, the child appreciates that his father is different
from his mother. For instance, fathers may encourage more active
rough-and-tumble play than mothers.
The role of each parent varies
in individual families and in different cultures. Children
usually adjust to the family norm as long as it is consistent.
A five-year-old boy is at an age when he is coalescing his
identity as a male. He generally enjoys being with his father
and wants to be like him. It is also the time when children
can worry about a parent, thinking, for example, that if Daddy
is late, something bad may have happened to him.
A
BEDTIME PHONE CALL HELPS
A five-year-old feels himself
to be king of the universe. He views himself as the center
of the world and sees the parent as controlling and powerful.
He doesn't understand the realistic demands of jobs -- or
of anything, for that matter.
A child also may feel more stress
when there have been changes in his life such as starting
a new kindergarten or even returning to kindergarten after
vacation, or family transitions such a moving or the birth
of a sibling.
It's easier for a child when
the mother accepts that the father works late regularly. And
it's better to tell the child in advance that his father may
not come home until after he's asleep than to have the child
expect him at dinner time and be disappointed. If the father
can't be home, a phone call from him, if possible, can be
incorporated into the child's bedtime ritual.
It's important to set aside
special time on a regular basis for father-child (daughters
as well as sons) activities, even if they are brief. The child
can join the father for breakfast, even if the father just
has a cup of coffee. Longer special father-child activities,
such as story-telling or ball-playing, can be scheduled at
times when the father will definitely be home.
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