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Dear Sad,
If your son did not express
any desire on his own to be at the memorial service, you should
certainly not suggest it to him, but he is the one who has
made the request and is apparently very interested in going.
It sounds like, young though
he is, your son realizes that he needs "closure."
He needs to say good-bye to his grandfather. He also needs
to mourn.
Death is not easy to deal with
at any age. Young children do not understand what happens
to the person who they loved and where he disappears to. (Do
we understand, for that matter?) Your son feels the need to
see where his grandfather's body will be from now on. Whether
it is in a cemetery somewhere surrounded by a forest, by a
lake or on a rolling hillside, he needs to experience the
reality and the sense of peacefulness.
After he has stood there, surrounded
by loving family members who will be there to hug him and
love him, he will probably feel less fear, not more fear or
anxiety. He will see that life continues and he still has
many people to love him and take care of him. There is also
nothing wrong with your son seeing you, the adults, cry. Death
is a part of life and, sad though his grandfather's death
is for him, it is better that his first experience with death
be in this peaceful and loving setting. As he grows older
he will see that death can occur following painful illnesses,
or as the result of terrible violence. At least this first
meeting with death for your son will be a gentle one.
Regards,
WholeMom
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