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INTRODUCTION
BY DR MICHAEL TOBIN
Tension and conflict in a marriage
inevitably lead to a phenomenon called triangulation. What
that means is that a third person, usually a child, is unconsciously
drawn into the parents' conflict as a means of diffusing it.
In other words, a wife who feels angry with her distant husband
might compensate by becoming closer to her son. The son, who
also feels his father's distance, may move toward his mother
in response to her overtures to him. However, the son feels
uncomfortable in his role of husband substitute and eventually
acts out his discomfort, usually self-destructively.
This is exactly the dynamic that
is occurring between David, Marcia and Andrew. It seems that
only Andrew has a clue about the role that he has been unconsciously
conscripted to fill. He tells his mother, "Don't drag
me into your problems.... If you want to leave him, do it
for your own reasons." Earlier he tells his mother, "Quit
defending me, Ma. I can talk for myself," but Marcia
doesn't hear, she continues to act as if Andrew needs and
wants her to be his protector.
It's not uncommon for a parent
or parents to drag the reluctant child right back into the
middle of the relationship. It's as if the parent is begging
the child, "Please act out so that Dad and I can deal
with you. It's too hard to deal with our marriage." It's
a remarkable child who can look at the parents and say, "Fight
your own battles. I'm out of here."
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