Q: My oldest daughter, age three-and-a-half, is a bright, busy little girl, who attends a preschool of which I'm the administrator. We noticed that not long after we took her off her pacifier, she started to bite her nails. My pediatrician suggested ignoring it, but I wonder if it is due to stress. She has been acting out at school, especially during naptime and I realize that the screaming fits are for my benefit. Every day at naptime, she resists on her cot. After letting her wiggle for some time, the teacher helps her still her body and she goes into these fits of screaming. The teacher takes her from the room and gives her permission to scream, which she does. She then wants to come see me before she lies down. I hear this every day and try to ignore it, but it tears my heart out and is somewhat embarrassing. One day she started the cycle and the teacher told her I had gone shopping. She stopped, went to her cot and went to sleep. This made me very sad. I am aware that she is probably seeking negative attention, but why?

A: Your daughter seems to be an intense child. While the nail biting could be a sign of tension, it could also simply be a bad habit of an intense child and I would agree with your pediatrician's advice; ignoring it is probably best.

It does seem that the tears at preschool are for your benefit alone. You must make it clear to your daughter that she can't visit you at naptime. If she's wiggly, there may be no reason for the teacher to help her still her body. She could settle herself and the entire cycle could disappear. On the other hand, since you are on the same site, perhaps you can take a few minutes to tuck her in each day provided she is willing to wait patiently. Reversing the process so she gets your attention when she's good might encourage her.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Phd

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