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A:
An appropriate response to your granddaughter's comment might
be, "I'm going to say, 'Thank you very much for being such
a good helper,' and I would appreciate your help even more if
you didn't ask for anything in return. Then I would know you were
truly a kind girl." Verbally gifted children are easily given
too much power or praise, but your granddaughter can't be faulted
for that. Once a child is given too much power, it isn't easily
taken away and a spanking is only likely to make her angry and
more defiant.
It also sounds as if her parents disagree
about how to handle her, which typically causes children to become
insolent. If her mother takes her side against her dad, or vice
versa, or if you take the child's side against either parent,
it gives her the adult power she wants too early. Furthermore,
your granddaughter seems to be learning that negativity attracts
the most attention, and in light of the competition she must feel
with her little brother, negativity could become her response
to feelings of rejection.
As a grandmother, you may wish to introduce
your daughter and son-in-law to "The United Front,"
Chapter Two in my book How
To Parent So Children Will Learn. As her parents unite,
do be sure to support them rather than contradict them. Also,
if you can spend some time alone with your granddaughter once
a week playing games, talking, or taking a walk, you might be
able to rebuild a positive connection she may miss having with
you.
Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Phd
Copyright © 2000,
Creators Syndicate, Inc.
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