Q: I saw you on the "Today" show and thought you might be able to help me. I am the parent of a beautiful, smart, talented 15-year-old girl. I'm not sure how concerned I should be with my daughter's emotional state. She has been getting average grades in school (usually 75-90 percent) in most of her subjects. Within the last few years, she claims she can't concentrate in class, her teachers don't care, she hates school, and wants me to get her out of the school district or find her home tutoring. She is very sensitive, but acts strong. She tries not to let her feelings show, but when she gets overwhelmed, she explodes. This has led her to have many arguments with friends, and at this time, she finds herself with very few. My daughter doesn't allow herself to trust people because she doesn't want to get hurt.

She sometimes tells me my expectations of her are too high, but how do I let her find her potential in life? She wants to do something with computers as far as career goals go. I'm sure she will do well with this.

I don't know if her attitude is caused by all the conflicts adolescents have or if she has a deep-seated emotional problem. I have discussed counseling with her, but she doesn't want to go. I don't know whether to leave her be or continue to prod at her to let me help.

A: Although adolescence is a difficult time for most children, it sounds as if your daughter has more than the typical symptoms of adolescence. She may indeed feel pressured because she doesn't feel as smart, beautiful, or talented as she thinks you expect her to be. Her anger about both school and her friends may represent feelings of inadequacy and she may indeed not understand her own feelings.

When you ask your daughter if she wants to go to counseling, she may feel threatened and afraid to admit she needs help. Nevertheless, she may even be hoping you'll get that help without her needing to make the decision. I suggest you make an appointment with a psychologist for yourself about your daughter. The psychologist can help you to evaluate how next to proceed with your daughter after you've described her symptoms. Be open with your daughter about your plans to help her at this time, and assure her that many teens get outside help.

In the meantime, be sure to find time to talk and listen to your daughter every day. She may reveal more about her anxieties as she continues to talk to you.

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Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Phd

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