Dear Dr. Sylvia,

I have run into some very surprising things with my 14-year-old son lately. He has never been a child who has talked a great deal, but he is very kind and caring. His dad passed away ten years ago, and it's so hard to know if this could have impacted him a great deal.

A couple of weeks ago, my son was caught in a situation involving marijuana. I am having a very hard time making him understand what this could do to him. I am very scared, and can't believe he has done this. We are starting counseling, and I hope that this will help. His schoolwork has declined, and this also is not like him. I have found that his friends influence him a lot. My son is very much a follower, not a leader. I hope you can help me in some way because I am a mother who is totally lost.

Peer pressure is always an issue for teens, and counseling may indeed help your son. He may also have some unresolved tensions about his father's death, and may therefore need some male role models with whom he can identify. A male teacher, Boy Scout leader, or an uncle or grandfather could help him get through these tough times, and be supportive of you. You may also want to remind your son that marijuana destroys motivation and is an illegal substance. You've made a good choice to get help for your son. Be sure to ask the counselor for help in regard to your parenting strategies as well.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm,Phd

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