Q: My three-year-old granddaughter is an adorable, healthy child, but she has no daddy. I think she already notices because she refers to things as "daddy size," "mommy size," and "baby size." She talks about this a great deal. Her dad left before she was born, and he has never seen her, nor do we ever expect that he will.

Her mom is a super mom, but what can we do to make her more comfortable with the fact that she doesn't have a dad? She has a grandpa that she refers to as "Papa," whom she is crazy about, and he tries to spend good quality time with her, but I do not expect it will completely compensate. How can her mom make her feel confidant, as she gets older, that she has not been rejected? She gets lots of love from Mom, Papa, and myself but I worry that this will not be enough.

A: It is true that it would be better if your granddaughter also had a loving daddy, but don't feel too sorry for her, because she has a loving mother and two grandparents. Lucky kid. You can just tell her there are many different kinds of families, and what's most important is she has a family to love her and she surely does.

Since her dad left before he ever even knew her, you can explain that he didn't leave because he didn't love her, because he never even met her. It was simply that he wasn't ready to be a daddy, and he knew her mom would do a great job. Of course, Mom is the best one to do this explaining, and you can reinforce it.

Your granddaughter may wish or dream about a daddy occasionally, but with all the love that surrounds her, she should be fine.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Phd

Copyright © 2000, Creators Syndicate, Inc.