Q: Our family is moving in three days. My question concerns my nine-year-old daughter. As the move gets closer, she has been having increasing fears at night, from burglars entering her room to planes crashing into the house. She has a very difficult time sleeping and wants to sleep with me. How can I calm her and help relieve her fears so she can have a good night's sleep and an easier transition to the new town and school? Her younger brother doesn't seem to be affected by the change.

A: It's not unusual for one child in a family to be more anxious about a move than another. Children are born with different temperaments, and they unconsciously copy different role models in the family. You may want to notice if you're approaching the move with more anxiety than your husband or vice versa. If one of you is particularly anxious, you may wish to express to your daughter that you're feeling worried, but basically you're confident things will work out well. Parent confidence will increase her confidence.

If your daughter feels she'll miss her friends, you can suggest some ways she'll be able to stay in touch, such as by e-mail or tape recordings. You can also arrange for your daughter to meet some children in the new neighborhood by contacting the school for names of children who will be in her class.

I would suggest that you not permit your daughter to sleep with you for fear that will begin a difficult habit to break. If she awakens during the night, comfort her or bring her a glass of water. That will reassure her and is less likely to become a habit. A light or a book to read may help her to fall asleep again quickly.

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Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Phd

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