Q: I have a three-year-old boy and it is a nightmare to get him to bed at night. When I think he's asleep after a few stories and I get up to leave, he'll jump out of bed and scream that he's scared of things in his room. If I move the thing he's scared of, he'll find something else to be afraid of.

Is this just an excuse to get attention or keep me in the room with him longer? I stay at home with him all day. We are hardly ever separated. Is he going through separation anxiety?

A: Your son does need to learn how to sleep on his own. His fears may be real or an excuse to keep you with him. Because he always comes up with a new fear, you may wish to think about whether they are auditory (hears sounds) or visual (sees ghosts). If he hears sounds, soft music can be quieting and make the creaks go away. Overhead or small night-lights or flashlights at bedside work for ghosts very effectively.

After you've helped your son handle his fears, be kind but firm and insist that he sleep on his own and that he can't leave his bed except to go to the bathroom. Explain that you'll be in the house, but you won't answer his calls because you want him to be a brave, big boy.

Keep the number of stories you read to an exact number because he seems to be asking for more and more. Also, be sure he isn't watching any TV for an hour and a half before bedtime. There is clear research that TV before bedtime causes imagery that may interfere with children's sleep.

If all else seems normal, don't worry about separation anxiety. Kids experience fears temporarily and they soon disappear with firmness and kindness.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Phd

Copyright © 2000, Creators Syndicate, Inc.