Q: I am a stay-at-home mom. My children are ten, three and two. I quickly lose control when it comes to disciplining my little ones. It seems like they are always fighting, and I find myself adding to it by yelling myself and I know this can't be the answer.

Why are my children driving me crazy? I feel as though I've tried every "trendy" and "traditional" method known to man. Sometimes I wish there were people that came into homes and watched our routines and would give me a printout of "How To's" for each child in every possible scenario.

How do I discipline my kids without losing my cool? My three-year-old son just runs around and acts silly when I tell him to do specific things. My two-year-old daughter will go into a crying frenzy if she is scolded, but will not mind if she's just told to do something.

A: It sounds as if you need to take some leadership and do some planning for your children. Two preschool children can be a handful, but if you watch a good day care center, you can observe positive routines in action. Children know that after cleanup time comes snack and after that, there is reading or music.

When children sense that you're in charge, they are less likely to continuously test you, and you are less likely to lose control. Although every parent loses her temper occasionally, a little leadership will go a long way in helping your children feel more secure. When you feel like you can't control your children, pretend that you can. Even that will help your confidence and self-control.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Phd

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