Dear Dr. Sylvia,

Our son turned 5 years old at the end of June. He had been in preschool for two years. We had planned on sending him to kindergarten in September (the enrollment cutoff date is Oct. 1); however, at the end of this school year, his preschool teacher said she felt he was too immature, and should repeat preschool. Our son was more interested in playing with the youngest children in his class than he was in doing numbers, letters, shapes, etc., and the teacher told us that he actually seemed to be regressing.

We're not sure what to do. The kindergarten in our town is very structured. We are looking into a more structured preschool. Or we may just put him in kindergarten in September and work with him in hopes that he will mature in the months before then.

What is your opinion? And how do we explain to our son that he is not going to kindergarten like all of his friends are?

: It's always a difficult decision when choosing how to handle a child whose birthday is around the kindergarten deadline. Research tells us that, for most children, simply following the school deadline works best -- but sometimes there are exceptions.

You could take either the new preschool route or kindergarten route, but a psychoeducational evaluation with a psychologist would help you to decide more effectively. If you decide to keep your son back, the best explanation you can give him is the honest one. Explain that his friends who are going to kindergarten are a little older than he is, and there isn't a way to start kindergarten in the middle of the year. Tell him you've selected a great preschool for him, and that you're sure he'll like it and the new friends he'll make there. Your son may ask a few more questions, but he may be totally confident and accept your judgment because he trusts you.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm,Phd

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