Q: My four-year-old son attends day care and he's very intelligent for his age. We don't have any other children, but I've recently started baby-sitting a baby girl. Our son has begun acting and talking like a baby again. My husband and I have been ignoring it as much as possible and asking him to speak properly because we can't understand him. My most recent problem is day care. He's been going every morning since the age of three for half-days. This past week he's been clinging to me. He refuses to go, and he makes a big scene when we arrive. The teachers have to pull him away screaming so I can leave. I realize this is just a phase, and he will outgrow it, but is there something I can do or say to make him understand that no one is taking his place?

A: Consider your caring for this baby to be an excellent experience for your only child. Your son's response may be a bit more severe than typical sibling rivalry that occurs when a new baby brother or sister arrives because you may not have thought to prepare him in the same way parents usually prepare their children for a new baby.

Be sure to give your son one-to-one time alone and to look for ways to praise his kindness or help with the little baby. It's also important that he not hear adults talking to each other about his problem behavior. Adult talk about him will increase his baby talk.

As to your son's separation at preschool, you may wish to reward him with a sticker for each day he manages to go in without crying. Don't make the mistake of reassuring him that you will always love him more than anyone, or he will assume that he doesn't need to share love with others and will become more demanding. By the time you read my reply, your son may have already made the adjustment; if not, don't discontinue the child care, or you may have a greater problem when your son enters school.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Phd

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