Q: Our fourth-grade son attends a private school. He has recently complained more than usual that all the kids don't like him and he is teased because he lives in the country. All the kids live near the school, whereas we are fifty miles away. He is a sensitive, bright child. We chose this school because it was close to my husband's work and his grandparents and I was doing a great deal of business travel. The school is around the museum, art school and university and the school uses these resources. We are basically happy with it minus the usual private school "stuff."

Now, the situation is different. I am back in town and plan to take a financial cut in my job to do something I enjoy. My son had been isolated in the country with no kids to play with until about six months ago. Three boys his age live nearby and he plays with them. They attend the local schools. We are beginning to question whether our son should attend the local public schools. They are supposedly bad and we worry about the exposure he would miss.

A: Your son's social problems can feel serious to him, but that doesn't necessarily require a change of school. His teachers can give you some clues as to your son's problems and may even be able to help with the teasing. Schools actively try to teach children social skills. Sometimes this takes place in the classroom; other times, school counselors form social skills groups.

Your son may only be a victim of a bully or may be doing or saying some inappropriate things. Often, social skills can be quickly learned and finding one good friend can lead to another. You may wish to invite one friend over at a time and watch the boys interact. You as a mom can also make some helpful suggestions to your son after you observe him with other children.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Phd

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