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The fact that your granddaughter acts negatively toward you as
well as your daughter's new boyfriend suggests that your granddaughter
may have been given too much power and a sense of being too special.
She may have been reassured that her mother will always love her
more than anyone. Perhaps none of this is true, and perhaps your
granddaughter simply treasures the one-to-one relationship with
her mother and doesn't want to share her with anyone.
Because your granddaughter is only 5, she can gradually learn
to share, but in order for her not to feel rejected, it's important
for her mother to continue giving her some time alone with her
on a daily basis. That brief, special time will reassure her as
she learns to share her mother's love with others. When your daughter
becomes very confident that this new relationship is likely to
be permanent, then the potential stepdad can begin to build a
special relationship with your granddaughter. They should proceed
with caution, however, because there is a risk that your granddaughter
may again feel rejected if the man and your daughter break up.
I suggest you read my book, "How
To Parent So Children Will Learn" (Crown, 1996), which
has good suggestions for single moms as well as grandparents.
Dr. Sylvia Rimm,Phd
Copyright
© 2000, Creators Syndicate, Inc.
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