Q: Our two-year-old son is very emotional. His older sister was "Miss Mellow" and this is very new to us. Our son will get upset and start to cry. His crying increases until he's nearly hysterical. It doesn't matter if we try to help or talk calmly to him.

Anything can trigger his upset, from a diaper change when he doesn't want one, his sister taking something of hers away from him, a lost article, or one of us telling him "No." A small thing escalates in no time. We try changing his focus to something else and talking quietly. Telling him not to cry will elicit a very sad "OK," and he'll try but then it just gets worse again. Now that he's a little older, we've tried sending him to another room to calm down, which seems to make it worse too. Can you offer any suggestions?

A: Even very verbal terrific two-year-olds may have some problems expressing their emotions using words. When your son gets upset, it's a good idea to encourage him to try to express his feelings and to wait patiently if he tries. If that doesn't work, time-out in his room or just leaving him alone to cry it out will probably reduce his crying. As he becomes more verbal and you continue to encourage his use of words, the tempers and tears should be reduced. Having the words to use can make a big difference.

You're correct in your observation that children in the same family may have very different temperaments. Although some of that may be related to genetic differences, I'm convinced that the differences become exaggerated by the sibling rivalry that always exists in families. Each child tries to find a special place of attention in the family.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Phd

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