Q: Where should I, a single mom, begin in trying to deal with my son? He is in eighth grade and his grades are now failing. He states he is just lazy. He is very distracting in class, i.e., makes noises, etc. He won't do class work or homework, or if he does, its sloppy, incomplete, or not turned in. He is very bright and very capable. His passion is the computer and he has the ability to play high school and college baseball. When I try restrictions, he makes it so miserable to maintain that eventually he is back to doing what he wants to do anyway.

I'm at my wits' end. In the last few months my son dramatically changed the way he dresses to fit in with a different group at school. They are all bright and all appear indifferent to their grades. Any suggested reading or comments would be most appreciated.

A: Peer pressure can have a very dramatic impact on kids' achievement, but in your son's case it sounds as if there is a history of a problem. If he likes and is good at baseball, he will soon find out about grade requirements for staying on the team and he may have to do at least enough to get by.

Sometimes kids who act lazy and underachieve take grades a little more seriously when they get to high school and high school peer pressure could actually have a more positive effect. Don't wait to find out. Have your son evaluated to determine if he has disabilities he may be trying to cover up. That will also help you set reasonable expectations (a little too high is better than too low). Then meet with his teachers and the psychologist and follow their advice.

Punishments you can't enforce are useless. You're better off with a coaching rather than a judging approach. Because you're a single parent, a caring teacher could be especially supportive to you and a male role model who cares about your son may be able to help inspire him. Your son's baseball coach could be very important. A very good book which might help solve your problem is called Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Phd

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