Dear Dr. Sylvia,

I am a nanny who cares for two great little girls. I am very close with their parents, but we have been disagreeing on many issues lately. We usually come to some sort of an agreement or compromise, but there is one issue I hope you can help me with.

The family has a big house. Every room is filled with toys, and one side of the basement has toys from floor to ceiling. Also, it seems every time they go to the store, they buy the children something new. Despite a houseful of toys, the children frequently can't find anything to hold their interest.

The next problem is the way the toys are organized. The system is very complicated, and the parents insist on setting every toy up as if on display in a magazine. The girls are three and four years old, so it is hard for them to put everything back in its original place. They always quit before they have even started. I feel like they are being set up for failure.

Please help. Any direction would be helpful.

I recently did a segment on Weekend Today about teaching children gratitude. I also receive many questions on my radio program on the topic of getting children to appreciate what is done for them. The very first guideline is, "Don't overindulge." Children who get too much don't appreciate what they have and become "gimme kids." I suggest you send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 45489, Cleveland, OH, 44145, for my free newsletter on this topic to share with these children's parents, or they'll soon find themselves referring to the children as "spoiled brats."

Children should learn some organizational skills. Unfortunately, these children have too much to organize, and the organization system sounds as if it is too rigid as well. Perhaps you could help the parents make some compromises.

It's very important for nannies to be supportive of parents and vice versa. First, try to come to a reasonable agreement. If the environment seems too stifling for healthy child development, and the parents don't want to change, express your dissatisfaction to the parents, and find a different family to work for. There is great demand for your services, but it is important to care for children with integrity. There are many ways to raise children correctly, but if parental expectations fall outside healthy development, you have a responsibility to express your views and care for children in healthy ways.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm,Phd

Copyright © 2000, Creators Syndicate, Inc.