Q: I am a single mother that still lives at home with my parents, which means my two-year-old daughter is spoiled. I can't get her to sleep in her own bed all night. I work the swing shift, so I work nights every other week, which means my parents put her to bed. She is used to falling asleep in my parents' bed while watching TV or sitting in my dad's lap while he watches. Once she is asleep, she is then moved to her crib in her own room. She wakes up after a few hours, and no one can stand to hear her cry, so someone gets her, and she then sleeps the rest of the night in someone's bed.

I want to break this habit, but I don't know how. I've tried reading my daughter a story, telling her it's time to go to bed, and then laying her down in her crib. She ends up clinging to me. I calm her down and then leave the room. She ends up whining and crying for up to two hours. I've even tried the lullaby tapes that are supposed to be a sure thing, but those don't even work. I don't know what else to do. I want my bed to myself.

A: You really need to convince your parents that it's time to persevere with your daughter so you and she can sleep alone. It's hard to go beyond two hours of crying, but by going in and comforting her in her crib at increasingly longer intervals, as Ferber suggests, she will finally understand that you'll not take her out of her crib. Even when she wakes in the middle of the night, you'll have to persist and comfort her within the confines of her crib.

It is especially important to work this out while your daughter is sleeping in a crib, because it gets a bit more complicated when she is in a bed. Furthermore, if you should ever get to a place where you would like to share your bed with an important man, your daughter will become very angry if you try to separate her at that time.

If you persist, you can count on your daughter sleeping on her own after three or four nights, and you and your parents will see the wisdom of your persistence. It's easier than you think, but every time you give in to her cries, you'll have to start all over again.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Phd

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