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Dear Mom,
You did something last night that hurt me very deeply.
This letter is being written after
a lot of thought, because it’s not the first time I’ve
been through this with you.
I’d like you to think about the
difference between the two words "hearing" and "listening."
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I Know You
Can Hear Me But Are You Listening?
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| Dear
Jenny,
As a
child I remember the conversations I would have with my
mother. She would hear me, but not really be listening.
I used to say that when I grew up I would never be like
that - I would always listen to my children.
Continue
. . .
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On more than one occasion I have
found myself talking to you, but actually talking to myself. It
happens when I speak to you about trivial, everyday matters, but
- even worse - it also happens when I open my heart to you about
personal, sensitive subjects that are the most important thing
to me at the moment.
The insulting response I often receive
is indifference. Then I understand that I haven’t really been
listened to.
I would like to emphasize that I mean
I haven’t been listened to, not that I haven’t been
heard. If at the end of the conversation, I ask you, "What
have I said up till now?" you always know how to answer correctly,
claiming that you heard every word I said, but you usually wouldn’t
show any empathy or understanding with what I said.
Almost every time I comment on this
problem, your reaction is either, "You are too vulnerable,"
or "I am tired, I had a hard day at work. I’m sorry."
So, with all due respect to your tiredness,
which is a result of hard work (and I really do appreciate your
hard work), I hope you now understand.
Love,
Jenny
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