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First, it's important to understand
that anxiety per se is not a bad experience. It is the body's
arousal to protect itself and it galvanizes our whole system.
It's the famous "fight or flight" response that human
beings developed when we were faced with threats from a saber-toothed
tiger and had to move quickly. Adrenaline increases, the heart
rate goes up, our breathing rate increases, and our digestive
patterns slow down all in attempt to enable us to run fast or
climb the highest tree. It's like revving up a car before a race.
If we are facing a situation
that requires better, more alert performance than usual, like
the SAT's, we need to be revved up.
Studies show that a moderate
level of anxiety enhances performance. The difficulty comes
when the anxiety goes beyond the moderate level and becomes
debilitating.
USING THE BREATH TO CALM DOWN
If a child has done well in
school, but panics around the SAT or other big exams, I suggest
a two-fold approach.
1. On the physical level, we have
techniques -- such as relaxation exercises and meditation and
breathing techniques -- that can cool the system down to a more
moderate level of arousal. Through these, people can be taught
to be more in control of their physiological functions.
A simple, but very effective technique
is to breathe deeply and slowly, all the way into your abdomen.
Do this several times and repeat to yourself some phrase such
as "calm and relaxed and in control." It's best to practice
this before you get into a stressful situation.
2. We need to examine the messages
we give ourselves and to understand that we have some control
over them. When we're anxious, we can't think well. That makes
us more nervous and a vicious cycle is created. With test
anxiety, it's important to interrupt this cycle by understanding
what the threat is and see whether it is realistic.
Ask yourself, "How am I panicking
myself? What am I saying to myself to make me so nervous?"
It could be something like, "If I fail this test my life
will be ruined," or, "If I fail this test I'm worthless."
If so, you need to understand that
you're equating yourself with the test. You're saying, "I
am my grade". And that is not logical. But a lot of kids
do that. They equate performance on an exam with their worth as
a human being.
There are many different ways
to succeed in the world. Many of today's most successful people
never finished college. Of course it's good to do well on
the SAT's, but when you turn this into, "I must do well,
or it's a disaster," you're setting yourself up for a
disaster, because you're increasing the pressure on yourself
and therefore increasing the chances that you won't do well.
Let you son know that he should
expect that he won't be able to answer all the questions.
He can plan for it; imagine taking the test. Make a movie
in his head of taking the exam, every bit of it -- the butterflies
in the stomach, walking in, getting the booklet, feeling nervous.
Imagine getting to some questions he doesn't know and calming
himself by talking a deep breath and saying, "Okay, I'll
go on and come back to this later; I won't get all the questions;
no one does," and see himself mastering the situation.
He is the director, producer and
star of his movie. We usually scare ourselves by our internal
films of failure. We can change the script. Have him practice
this in his head over and over. Athletes do this all the time.
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