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Yes.
However, the "fact" that it is normal is of little use
to you. Let's try a few supplementary questions:
Should I let him know that I am aware
of his interests?
I think so.
Should I leave his sexual interest
alone as his "private" business?
After you talk with him, sure. But
not instead of talking with him. And it would help if you don't
use his "privacy" as a way of avoiding your own discomfort
with the subject. Sometimes "being liberal" is really
being paralyzed.
Well, what if I am paralyzed? Isn't
that normal for someone who grew up in the Dark Ages?
Yes. However, your boy's sexual interest
now challenges you to do something new.
AN OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO GROW
But we hear that parents of adolescents
are supposed to be consistent -- in other words, nothing new?
I don't think this is true. Adolescents
do need a measure of consistency; they need a basic anchor in a
recognizable world in which they are more or less at home. This
gives them the security from which they can develop further. But
I think they also need to feel that their parents are growing as
well. Otherwise, they feel they are alone in changing. What gives
adolescents a sense of hope about the world is that their parents
re-create themselves as parents in the face of adolescence. That
gives adolescents the sense that they are growing with their parents,
that they are participating in changes not only in themselves, but
in their families as well. You son is now inviting you to some personal,
couple or family growth around the area of sexuality.
What kind of growth are you talking
about? Isn't sex fully developed once the organs and glands are
developed?
That's only true according to the Playboy
philosophy, which preaches a sort of Peter Pan of the Penis -- erections
only and no growing up. And there's the rub. That approach produces
the porn that exploits your son's healthy curiosity. An adult can
talk with him about the difference between sexual interest and excitement
and sexual exploitation. However, addressing this matter may awaken
some dormant and unresolved matters in the minds and bodies of many
a father or mother.
We often grow sexually in uneven and
unexpressed ways. Sexual growth as adults involves the increasing
ability to be interested in and sensitive to sexual meanings in
our partner. Aside from what makes each person feel good, what makes
her/him feel appreciated and close? When our adolescents challenge
us, we can feel called upon to examine and define our own development.
Here is an opportunity for conversation between spouses before they
talk to their offspring -- about themselves, not just about the
child. The more secure parents feel about their own growth, the
more sure they are that they have grown past adolescent first encounters,
the more confident they will be that they can offer a grown-up and
still-growing approach to sexuality.
And that is the approach your boy
has invited you to work out for yourself and bring to him when
he let you in on his peeping.
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