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Your concern for your daughter is both on target and a sign
of responsible parenting. While a 15-year-old would like you
to think that she can make all her own decisions, she is still
a child, and still living in your house. When she is 18, finished
with school, and moves on, she will make almost all of her
own decisions. At 15, she still needs you and your limits.
You are certainly within your rights
to tell her that her behavior is unacceptable. How you can
enforce your rule is another question. You can be upfront
with her and tell her that you need to rely on her honesty
and truthfulness and you hope she will not let you down. Your
ability to rely on her is, of course, based on the kind of
relationship you have with her and have had with her until
now.
You can certainly understand, and
perhaps even remember yourself, how exciting it is to be attracted
to and be found attractive by "older men." For your daughter,
this may be one of the signs that she is growing up and becoming
an adult. While you can empathize and talk with her about
it, you may also set limits. I am sure she knows the rules
about curfew, smoking and drinking. Dating men who are so
much older than her falls in that category. You may explain
to her that when she becomes an adult (18? 21?) she will be
independent and will make her own decisions.
IT CAN BE HARD TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT
There is no question that putting
your foot down is not always an easy thing to do. Sometimes,
it seems that as a parent, it is easier to "go with the flow,"
and allow your child what he or she wants, or thinks she wants.
The easy route is often a mistake. Sticking up for what you
believe, think, or even your gut feeling is, to my way of
thinking, the right thing to do.
Your daughter may fight you on this,
be angry with you, or even give you the "silent treatment"
for several days. Try to keep communication lines open with
her. Tell her you know how upset she is, and how angry she
is at you. This is something you can live with and her anger
will pass. She may never acknowledge out loud that you were
right. Don't wait for that. Try to get beyond this issue and
resume your relationship with her.
Good luck, and let me know what happens.
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