His hotel was nearby. During the short walk, I felt as if little things I had seen a thousand times suddenly became alive. We walked down Beacon Street past the State Capitol, cut through the Commons and watched the runners, the peddle boats on the pond, Frisbees flying, lean West Indian men playing conga drums... Like an enthusiastic adolescent, I pointed out landmarks and upscale boutiques to him. The late September air was crisp. The day smelled wonderful.

We entered the lobby and Eric guided me to the elevator. We climbed to the 17th floor. My heart raced. I trembled at the thought of what I was about to do. It had been fifteen years since I had been with a man other than Dan. Somewhere deep inside me I sensed a question, "What are you doing?" I let it fade.

We reached his floor and I felt his hand pressing gently but firmly on the small of my back, guiding me off the elevator. His touch, even through the tweed and silk, sent shivers through me. He was close enough for me to inhale his cologne. I liked the smell. It was understated and masculine but seductive. I liked the fact that he had put it on for me. I even liked the fact that he had taken charge.

Eric unlocked the door, stepped back and waited for me to enter. He must have sensed my ambivalence, standing there at the entrance to his room. I could see the bed from where I stood. "After you," he said softly. I knew I was about to cross a threshold in more ways than one. I closed my eyes for one of those seconds that seem to last forever. One force was pulling me back, down the richly carpeted hallway, toward the elevators and outside to safety, and another force was drawing me inward. "Yes!" a voice in my head screamed, "Into your room, into your bed and... into..." Again that same voice cried, "Don't do it!" Eric gently took my arm. I opened my eyes and the voice was silent.

I put my foot over the threshold and walked in. Eric took my hand and led me to the window. We stood looking out at the sunset over treetops and buildings. There were no more words between us. I felt his hand at the base of my neck, his fingers pushing up softly through my curls. I closed my eyes and lost myself in his gentle strokes. He turned me around and pulled me to him. I felt his lips pressing, melting into mine. He drew me closer. I could feel the heat of his body next to mine. He led me to his bed and began to slowly remove my suit jacket. It slipped to the floor...

His touch was gentle and slow. I had felt this way, somewhere, but it was a memory from some time in the distant past, so far away that I could no longer remember... Again, we kissed, long and deep....

* * *

We lay there in the dark. Eric began to speak softly. "Carmen, I knew..." "Shhh," I stopped him, as I placed my finger on his lips. "Don't talk."

I lay on his arm and felt so warm, so secure as he stroked my hair. Looking back, it's strange that I felt "secure", considering the danger I had just introduced into my life. But this was not what I wanted to think about then. It was too soon to deal with consequences and decisions. In fact, the thought that I was cheating on Dan never entered my mind. At the time, I rationalized to myself that I wasn't really hurting him, that anything so loving, so real, that moved me so deeply, could not be wrong.

I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay in his arms today and forever, but I knew it wasn't possible. As I got dressed, slowly, Eric watched me. Something in me longed for it to go on, to never end, to exist as a parallel life, as in a parallel world.

I left the hotel alone. As I walked back to the Commons parking lot, got into my car and turned the key, I was still on a cloud. This was me, Carmen Ross-Fields, wife of Dan, mother of Rachel, William and Wade. Hadn't I just committed "adultery"? That was such a nasty word. How could something so beautiful have such an ugly name?

I shivered inside. Was it the aftermath of a fantasy or something else?

The crisp day had turned chilly.