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Your Voice:
- Not now, I LOVE my wife so
much and think of the promise I made to her at the altar.
It is basically moral and religious reasons. It is just
not RIGHT, simply put. The policeman in my head will not
allow me to do that. Thanks.
- I have not had an affair but
I recently uncovered my husband's affair. It has caused
me great pain and I am severely depressed. I can't sleep,
eat, or concentrate at work. My children are suffering because
I cannot function lovingly anymore. Is this all worth sleeping
with a stranger?
- I have never thought about
it.
- No. Love and respect for my spouse
would prevent me even considering an affair. I believe we can
send "signals" to others to announce we are unavailable
or won't be receptive to further or inappropriate closeness.
- I realized that other women could
treat me in a normal respectful manner. I left the marriage.
(Not for the other woman.)
- It was only once. My sister-in-law
seduced me when I was staying at my folks’ place. The
only time in 17 years.
- My ex had two of them during
the time we were married. So if you are thinking about it...
think of this. Is it worth it? Is it worth ruining your
family and changing your entire life as you now have it?
And do you have the mental energy it takes to lie and keep
your stories straight? But most of all, how would you feel
if your spouse did it to you?
- My first marriage lasted 17
years and I never had an affair; my ex-husband did, though.
It was a long-term affair with a co-worker who came to our
house and was also my friend. They were having an affair
right in my own house right under my nose! I confronted
my ex about the affair and he continually lied to me about
it. Finally he admitted it to me but would not give any
details; how long they had been involved, where they spent
time, etc. My ex told me they ended the affair but I kept
finding gifts and cards from his girlfriend so after time
trust was completely shattered. I do not blame my ex totally;
I am also to blame because we dated pretty exclusively in
high school and married too young. I flirted "innocently"
during our marriage but now realize that was wrong, too.
I guess I thought about having an affair at one time but
my Catholic guilt complex would never ever allow me to pursue
it. I am now remarried to a wonderful, loving, honest man
and feel so fortunate to have been given a second chance.
Flirting is a dangerous thing. Affairs are the most devastating
thing to a marriage; once trust is gone, it is so difficult
to rebuild. If anyone ever asked my opinion, I would tell
them to seek counseling first to heal their marriage. Never,
never have an affair. It may feel good for a short while
but you're just postponing the inevitable pain of looking
seriously at your relationship and yourself.
- No, but I have thought about
it because my husband never talks to me, walks and holds
hands with me, or does anything fun with me, and he's cheated
on me. I yearn for either one night of passion, or a long-term
intimate emotional relationship with a man.
- The effect on my marriage
was nil. My husband was in medical school and rarely home.
I was feeling extremely neglected and . . . At the time
it filled an emotional and physical need. Years later, thinking
about it makes me feel guilty. That was over 15 years ago
and I wouldn't choose to go that route again.
- My ex-husband had many and
I could never put someone through what I went through. I
felt worthless and less of a person. I felt very unattractive
and unwanted.
- While in my first marriage,
I had an affair which ended without my husband finding out
about it. But I found out for myself what a real marriage
should have contained and I found a man who was willing
to help.
- Since my wedding day, almost
13 years ago, I have been the faithful wife that my wonderful
husband deserves.
- No, I have never considered
it. Although the world is full of interesting and attractive
males, I would never violate the vows I took 15 years ago,
nor have I really had any desire to.
- Yes, I have thought about it,
but I was brought up to believe if you are married you are married,
if you want to fool around it's best to be single.
- I did not want to lose my
husband because I wanted to feel wanted.
- Yes, didn't want to hurt my
spouse.
- Have you ever had an affair?
Many years ago when I was married to another person I did.
I think that an affair comes not from lack of sex, but lack
of communication. When the man says "my wife doesn't
understand me, " that famous line, he isn't joking.
An affair is generally for the conversation and intimacy
(though often phony) that is replacing something missing
at home. In the end I divorced and the affair had little
to do with it. In hindsight, though, it was a sign that
our communication lines were shut. The divorce would have
happened regardless.
- Probably, when the situation
arose, the picture of my crying wife and the hurt I would
see in her eyes has been enough to stop me...been married
25 yrs now...never once.....
- I love my husband, and it
is just wrong to do that to someone you say you love.
- Unfortunately, we divorced.
He decided not to give any time in between for "thinking"
and went straight to the lawyer, even though he did not
know I had an affair. He "assumed" many things
without talking about them. Communication was THE BIGGEST
problem. Now, I regret it ALL... 8 years later! He has remarried
and divorced since. Now, a new girlfriend (who seems to
be buying everyone, including our two boys) is very much
in the picture and I feel so many feelings...jealousy, resentment,
and most of all blaming myself for such a stupid thing I
had done to my family and to myself. I am now living with
a "significant other" and have had children, but
the relationship goes nowhere! I am so unhappy but because
of what I realized with the mistake I made with the first
relationship and the woes of the family, I am so reluctant
to make any changes here-- even though he has physically
abused me and now continues to verbally abuse all of us.
I would never have another affair since it has destroyed
the true family life I long to have.
- No. I thought about how lucky
I am to have a wonderful husband and children and I should
be thankful to God for what I have.
YOUR VOICE
ON LIFE, LOVE & MARRIAGE
Did
you ever have an affair?
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