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Dear WholeFamily Counselor,
On January 12th this year, I met my fianc?.
The first moment I saw her I knew that she was "The One".
She was the new bartender in a lounge I frequent and I began talking
with her after closing time. After a few nights of this it came
out that she lives with a boyfriend who is also the father of
her 3-year-old child. I was crushed but shamefully continued to
pursue her.
We would talk on the phone and the computer
for hours on end, every day and continued to spend time together
when her bar closed. We never had sex but did fool around some.
Eventually we talked marriage. Meanwhile she was still living
with this guy (not the makings of a healthy relationship I'm sure)
As far as he new, we were friends, but he suspected more.
I kept pushing her to move into her own
place but she procrastinated. Eventually he asked her if they
were over and she told him yes and that she was moving out. Four
weeks ago, he went out of town on business and she and I went
on an overnight trip while her son was with her parents. Somehow,
her boyfriend knew and threw her out. He also took this time to
make threats such as killing her and taking her child.
We found her a nice apartment to live
in and then the next day she lost her job. She has been unable
to find another job and I'm paying the rent on her place as well
as mine. She has since gradually seemed to lose interest in us.
I have felt like she didn't want to be around me anymore. Two
days ago, we had a huge fight and she told me that I was smothering
her and she needs space. This was after I told her that my feelings
were hurt because she went out to bars with friends Monday night,
never bothered to call me before or after, and was doing it again
tonight. I felt like an afterthought, not like her partner.
She told me I need to get a life, that
I was pathetic because my world revolves around her and that I
need to give her more space. I then brought up the financial situation
and called her some terrible names, immediately regretting both.
I apologized over and over and think that she was able to forgive
me.
Tonight she went out again with friends
and called me at 3am when she got home, a little drunk. She told
me she had a lot of fun and I said I was happy for her, trying
to be supportive. When we said goodnight, I said I love you, just
as I always do, but she just said goodnight.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I love her so much, but I think I must be losing her. I know that
she is under an incredible mental strain. I can't even fathom
what she must be going through, but I can't understand why she
doesn't want me around and seems to grow more distant every day.
I don't know if there's anything I can do to save us, but maybe
you have some answers. Please help us. I love her more than life
itself and can't imagine not growing old with her beside me.
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