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Dear
Want to Stay Together,
I'm
glad that you two met with a marriage counselor and I hope that
you continue to see this therapist. One session is not enough
to solve your situation. The three year mark in a marriage is
often a watershed. The first romantic thrill has diminished and
now you're looking at the reality of long-term commitment. Love
DOES change over time. It's too easy to drift apart as the demands
of careers, family, etc. intrude. You say that you put other things
before her. Is this your assessment of yourself or her assessment
of what happened between you? If it's her assessment, do you agree
with it? Is it possible for you to reorganize your priorities
so that she again feels that she has a special place in your life?
You also say that you are expecting
your first child in 3 months. Was this pregnancy planned?
Did one of you want to have the child more than the other
person? Perhaps your wife is feeling scared as the birth approaches.
The effects of the pregnancy coupled with the impending responsibility
may be overwhelming her. For example, if you are someone who
works long hours she may be worried that she will often be
on her own with this child.
When you say that you are not
affectionate, what do you mean? Your wife may be looking for
more physical attention or emotional reassurance or both from
you. She may be concerned that your reserved manner may mean
that you will be emotionally withdrawn from the baby. You
two need to talk this through.
I hope that your marital therapist
helps you and your wife to explore what underlying issues
are at work to cause this crisis. If you truly want this marriage
to work you need to have patience and encourage your wife
to be honest with you about why she is so unhappy. Be prepared
to listen and see what changes are possible so that this marriage
survives.
Dr. Louise Klein
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