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Let's
turn to each member of the in-law triangle:
Luke says nothing but disappears
to his workplace when his mother visits. Luke, you are crucial
to improving the in-law tensions. Reassure Mindy that she is your
top priority, above children, work, mother, and money. Mindy will
hopefully respond with a similar declaration. After clearing the
air with your wife, have a discussion with your mother. Thank
her for her visits and gifts. Inform her of your children's clothing
sizes and respectfully explain that you'd appreciate gifts that
fit them now. Ask her to please refrain from unsolicited advice,
reassuring her that you will not hesitate to ask when you need
anything. And in the future, don't make yourself scarce when Mother
visits; make sure to notify both mother and wife when you are
unavailable. Your Mother comes to visit you, too.
Mindy: it's tough raising
2 pre-schoolers while pregnant with a third, especially when your
husband works long hours. Your need for physical assistance and
emotional support is understandable. Perhaps you can obtain additional
parenting information and guidance from community resources, or
one of the many parenting books on shelves today. On the other
hand, criticism from your mother-in-law is an issue your husband
should handle. Ask him to speak to his Mom about your complaints.
She will not be offended by his criticism; a mother forgives almost
anything her son says.
Finally to Ms. Mother-in-law:
you're an accomplished woman. Just as you mastered law to become
a lawyer --quite a feat after a divorce - you must master new
rules to be a parent-in-law. The primary rule is to refrain from
unsolicited advice. Instead, ask your daughter-in-law what you
can do to assist her most. Second, be aware that constant criticism
hurts more than a physical injury. Try to empathize with your
inexperienced daughter-in-law. It is her turn to make mistakes
with her life and her children just as you did. Talk to your son,
instead of your daughter-in-law, about critical matters. He will
forgive and forget what you say while your daughter-in-law won't.
Back
to The Daughter-in-Law's Lament Drama
Back
to The Mother-in-Law's Lament Drama
Back
to Introduction
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