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Dear
"Upset In-Law,"
I can understand why their lack of
acknowledgement upsets you. It's frustrating to put time
and effort into choosing a suitable gift and then not feel
appreciated. Here are some suggestions for dealing with
this couple.
First, continue to buy presents for
your grandchildren. Just accept that you probably won't
receive a thank-you from your youngest step-son and his
wife. And I think that you'll also have to accept that they
won't send you a card or gift anytime soon. Let that go.
Second, why don't you make a donation
to a charity instead of buying gifts for this couple? There
are plenty of worthy causes. Perhaps you could make a donation
to a favorite organization that they support. Or make a
donation to their children's school, sports or church group.
The charity will send a letter to the couple telling them
that a donation has been made in their name.
You will also receive a letter from
the charity thanking you for your gift and telling you how
much you can claim as a charitable deduction on your income
tax.
It's a "win-win" situation.
You can continue to spend as much on this couple as you
do on their siblings, and you know that the money will go
to a good cause and be appreciated.
In the unlikely event that the couple
should ask you why you're making a donation instead of buying
them a gift, here's what you might say. Tell them that you
weren't sure that they were receiving the gifts so you decided
to send something where you would get a confirmation letter.
They might get the hint, they might not. It doesn't matter.
It's always a good idea to teach
children how to share. You can discuss where they would
like to make a donation with your older grandchildren. Some
places, like a zoo, send a packet of information to the
child and include a pass to the zoo. This is a nice benefit
and increases the child's sense of involvement.
If your husband doesn't want to talk
about this then let it go. Only he can know the dynamics
of his relationship with his youngest son. You sound like
a thoughtful stepmom, mom, and grandma. Continue to enjoy
the acknowledgments from your other family members. They
sound like they appreciate you.
Dr. Louise Klein
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