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Dear Concerned About Relative's Financial Problems,
The situation you describe is
indeed a difficult one, and your relative is lucky to have
such a caring person as yourself in her life.
It would seem that the husband
is unable or unwilling to accept the fact that his business
has failed. It is very painful to invest years of your life
pursuing a dream only to discover that the dream has become
a nightmare. His self-esteem is on the line and it's tough
to come to grips with that. Perhaps his TV watching is his
way of escaping from this painful reality.
On the other hand, your relative's
resentment is very understandable. They are faced with serious
financial problems for which they must find an immediate solution.
He must come out of hiding to deal with reality.
For them to cooperate, your relative
must understand how painful this is for him. She must tell
him that and be sensitive when approaching him. Criticizing
him won't help. I suspect he already feels bad enough. It
will only drive him further into his hole. In order to preserve
his self-respect he will feel driven to prove to her that
his business will make it. This destructive pattern between
them will only lead to greater financial problems.
You might suggest that she write
him a letter expressing her feelings. She should start by
acknowledging how hard he has worked in his effort to make
the business succeed. After doing that she should solicit
his help in solving their financial problems. Be sure she
doesn't blame or criticize.
Good luck to you.
Naomi L. Baum, PhD
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