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INTRODUCTION
BY DR.
MICHAEL TOBIN
Mona and Phil are both in their late
30's. They have three children. Phil is an advertising executive
and Mona works part time as an atrium landscape artist.
This drama depicts a classic marriage:
while at home with the family, Phil underfunctions, while
Mona overfunctions. She feels alone and unsupported; he feels
criticized and unappreciated. He feels that she's too demanding.
She feels that he's unreliable. She longs for fairness and
equality; he longs to be left alone.
Let's assume that Phil is a competent
professional -- decisive, creative and proactive, a real doer.
So how is it that this same guy is so passive and helpless
when it comes to home and family? And how come so many of
our relationships are like Phil's and Mona's?
Phil and Mona are locked into their
respective roles. When he decides to give up his position
as the incompetent little boy, then she might choose to quit
playing the nagging wife. Likewise, if she were to decide
to stop parenting him and instead relate to him as a competent
man then perhaps he would give up playing at being a helpless
child.
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