|
Dear
Am I Being Foolish,
Your husband has decided to sleep
on the couch and then to make matters worse, you ask him for affection
and he says that any affection he would give you would be faked.
How do you feel about your husband
moving out of the bedroom? Are you sad, mad, hurt, confused, humiliated…or
all of the above? And how do you feel about his inability to give
you affection? Are you talking about it with him? Is he talking
about it with you?
It would be hard to answer your question
of whether or not he may still care based on the information that
he is still living in the house with you. But it isn't hard to
guess that there is some kind of a problem.
 |
| Sometimes
the worst down time is the best opportunity to learn more
about one another and find a way to renew the marriage. |
|
I am also guessing that communication
between you is not flowing quite the way you would like it to.
But since you still desire affection from him, it seems you would
like to try to make things better.
It may well be that his moving out
of the bedroom is a loud message to get your attention about something.
You won't know unless you try to find out by talking with him.
All marriages go through their ups
and downs. Sometimes the worst down time is the best opportunity
to learn more about one another and find a way to renew the marriage,
but both partners must be willing to change and grow for this
to work.
Intimacy is about so much more than
sleeping together. We often assume that we know things about our
partners because we have known them for a long time. What we need
to realize is that people are not fixed entities. Thoughts and
feelings change. The skill of real intimacy is to learn to ask
questions and get to know our partners over and over again. It
is not unusual to lose sexual feelings for a partner when we have
lost other intimate connections.
Keeping a marriage alive over years
requires that we approach our partners with curiosity and deep
interest in who they are now -- not just assume that they are
the same now as when we married them. Learning to talk is also
learning how to listen. And this can be more difficult with a
spouse than with any other person in our lives.
If he is willing to seek some professional
help, you might find a marriage therapist who could assist you
in discussing what is going on in your marriage. If not, then
I would suggest you find your own therapist to discuss this.
Wishing you all the best,
Patricia Lawrence Pomposello, LCSW
|
