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Dear Sexual Comparison,
People, men and women, are good lovers when they can tune into
themselves and into their partners. This is regardless of race,
nationality and religion. There are many myths concerning certain
groups of men, for example black men or French men, claiming their
prowess in the bedroom, but that's what they are – myths.
There are two problems I see from your letter, your lack of belief
in yourself and the lack of communication between you and your
wife.
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| Men and women
are good lovers when they can tune into themselves and into
their partners. This is regardless of race, nationality and
religion. |
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The first step is to figure out how you can feel more like a
man from within. It's a good idea to take stock – what are
your qualities that you take pride in, that make you "you"
? What are the things that you would like to change about yourself?
By taking a good look at yourself and by accepting who you are,
you might feel more confident. This confidence will help you with
the next step – talking on a more intimate basis with your
wife.
It's important to remember that your goal for communication is
to share with your wife your inner discussion with yourself. If
this makes you nervous, this is a good sign – we develop
by taking chances and dealing with our own anxiety. If your wife
continues to make hurting remarks, take this, at least in part,
as a reflection of something going on within her, and not necessarily
a reflection of you. With a stronger sense of self, you can examine
the remarks she makes to see if there is some truth in there for
you and then choose to do something about it or not. For instance,
if she complains that you are not as good a lover as her past
ones. Exactly what does she mean by that? If she can become clearer
of what she would like in bed, it will help you get a better understanding
of her and her sexual needs, without you feeling that her sexual
happiness is all up to you.
Sincerely,
Marsha Ellentuck, M.S.W.
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