Unfortunately for me, life doesn't always turn out the way we plan.

A year after we got married, we were still trying. No babies. Judy got really nervous about it. Every month she would cry her way through her period. I didn't know what to do for her. No matter what I said to make her feel better, it was the wrong thing. I was afraid to say anything after a while.

It bothered me too, but I didn't want to talk about it. It was hard to open up and say how I felt. And I was afraid she'd just start crying again. I don't think people realize how much their thoughtless little comments can hurt. Not only Judy, but me too

What am I supposed to say when people ask us what we're waiting for? And how about when my accountant winks at me and says I could use some new deductions this year -- what should I answer him? And when my partner keeps talking about getting home to his wife and three kids? I wish there was something I could say -- or something I could tell Judy that would help.

We finally decided to go to doctors. We've been going now for three years already. Boy, no one warns you what those tests are like. I've never felt so embarrassed or dehumanized before. They ask all these personal questions right there in the waiting room. And then they hand me a little jar, and tell me to go into a room and produce samples. I almost wished I could melt into the woodwork with that one, the first time.

How about sex by schedule? There's no greater turn-off than having to make love by the calendar and clock. One thing's for sure, I give Judy a lot of credit. She's willing to take all these painful tests, and even have surgery if they tell her she has to. I'm not so sure I'm ready to go through that myself. I know I always wanted kids, but there's a limit to how much I'm willing to let them prod and poke at me. I told Judy I'd think about it if the doctors said it was me, but someone's gonna have to convince me it would work before I'd agree and go through with it.

If one more well-meaning person tells me to wear boxer shorts and take hot baths, I think I'll punch them out on the spot! And there's so much tension between us lately. Judy can never relax with me anymore. Every time we go anywhere, she's always looking at the pregnant women and the babies.

Judy wants a baby real badly, and so do I. But sometimes I think you have to just face the facts and do what you can, you know? If we can't have any kids, I'd be sad, but I think we could still have a pretty good marriage anyway. If you love someone, you can make it work under any situation.

Besides, we can always adopt. We both have good jobs, and lots of friends -- and most of all, we love each other. That's enough to make a good life.

Gary