Your marriage is the way it is, rather than the way it should be. When you think of your marriage, think about how it really is. Think about the fit and the way you both really behave around each other. Sometimes, it's disappointing.

She's a worrier, he's overbearing, she's cranky, he's critical, she's cold, he's dramatic, she's in charge, he's over-accommodating, she's an alcoholic, he's abusive, she's infantile, etc.

Too often, we spend enormous amounts of time hoping and wishing that a poor marriage is really going to spontaneously get better, or that bad behavior patterns are well intended yet misunderstood. Large amounts of time in marriages can be wasted when we tolerate counter-productive habits while pretending that everything is ok or going to improve.

If you want to make your marriage better, you must first acknowledge to each other the way it is, and then and only then can you begin the process of adjustment and improvement.

Acknowledging the obvious is the first step to becoming closer and more nourishing to each other.