Thursday, 14 September 2000

Parenting Epiphanies

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What is an Epiphany?

It's a moment of insight , of sudden clarity. Like a light bulb going off in your head. An "Aha!"

You step out of the stream of life moving quicker than you can paddle and suddenly it's there: A truth gleaming like gold ore in an ordinary rock.

Epiphanies tend to hit at unpredictable times-- in the middle of the night, during an early-morning shower, in a dream, on the highway.

Because they are insights that involve the whole person and often take years to ripen, epiphanies tend to produce changes in behavior or attitude. They are a gift.

We believe one person's epiphanies may trigger another's. Please share yours with other parents here.

 

I'm Really A Single Mom

My husband is a lawyer who leaves early in the morning and doesn't return until the kids are in bed. He's young and has to put in these very long hours. I can only count on him to be home on Sundays and he needs time alone on that day. At first I was always angry with him, frustrated and resentful. Then I realized that I couldn't change the situation. I could live in frustration or peace. So I decided that I was going to need to be a mother and a father. Once I accepted that, I felt more peaceful-- and my husband is around more.

Carole, mother of two

Giving Up to Get My Way

One day, I realized that parenting was about giving up. That I wasn't going to get anywhere with pushing and forcing. That I had to forget about getting my way. I discovered the only way I could get my way was by not needing it.

Marla, mother of three

I Can't Control Everything

One day, I suddenly got it that I was not to blame! I wasn't responsible for the crises of everyone in my family. I didn't own their problems. I realized that I could guide my kids but I couldn't control them. They're born with certain karma and no matter what I do, they're still going to go through what they have to go through. The only thing I can do is to love them.

Abbey, mother of three

Distinguishing Needs from Wants

When babies are born, what they want and what they need are exactly the same. The older they get, the wider that gap becomes. That's what's most difficult about raising children. As they grow, you feel torn because you're conditioned to serving their wants but as they get older, what they want is often not what they need.

Cary, mother of three

Learning to Let Go

For years, my eight-year-old son refused my affection. No hugs, no kisses-- even loving looks got an angry response.

One day, he got me really angry about something and I kind of backed away. I stayed distant for a day or so and suddenly I found him seeking me out, snuggling close as I read to him, putting his head on my shoulder when we sat next to each other on the couch.

An image came to me: I saw myself standing behind my son, my hands dug into his shoulders, my fingers embedded inside his body. I saw him struggling to get free. Then I saw myself slowly taking my hands out of his body. He's my baby and I realized I was holding on to him a little too tight. Now that he no longer had to struggle against my hold, he could get close to me on his own terms.

Tamra, mother of three

Last modified on Thursday, 03 March 2011 07:59
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