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Thursday, 29 March 2001

How to Choose a Therapist

Written by  Silvet Sufar Shalit, PhD

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QDear WholeFamily Counselor,

I am obviously writing due to marriage problems. My question is what type of therapist is the type we need to work things out. A psychologist, a therapist, etc.? I am not sure what each specializes in, and what would be the best for us. My husband and I love each other, but have some issues in our marriage that need to be worked out. My husband feels that if we continue to stay together our marriage won't last. I on the other hand didn't know anything was wrong, and felt we had a great relationship.

Any advice would be appreciated!

ADear "Looking for a Therapist,"

You write that you and your husband love each other but need to work out some marriage issues. Your husband feels that your marriage might not last while you did not even know that there was anything wrong and felt you had a great relationship. You ask for advice and what type of therapy is needed.

I am glad that you want to do something for your marriage and are asking for advice. There seems to be quite a difference between you and your husband in the way that you see the marriage. Your husband must have his reasons why he thinks the marriage won't last and you must have your reasons to feel that it is a great relationship. This difference between the two of you may means that you are not talking enough with each other about what is going on in your relationship.

You need to sit down with your husband and discuss your relationship together. Here are some guidelines:

  • Why does your husband feel that the marriage won't last?

  • What in the relationship needs to change according to your husband so that it does last?

  • What does he need from the marriage so that he can feel more satisfied?

  • What issues in the marriage need to be worked out according to you and according to your husband?

  • Is there anything that you need to feel even more satisfied with the marriage?

  • What positive things do you see in your relationship that you can share with him? Ask your husband what positive things he sees in the relationship.

Sometimes a couple is able to work things out on their own by sitting down together and discussing these issues. Often the assistance of a marriage counselor can be of great help. I recommend that you and your husband consult a psychologist or social worker specializing in couple therapy.

Good Luck.

Silvet Sufar Shalit PsyD

Last modified on Sunday, 22 January 2012 20:30
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Silvet Sufar Shalit, PhD

Dr. Silvet Sufar Shalit is a graduate of the University of California, Berkeley. She is a certified clinical psychologist with twenty years experience in psychotherapy.. She works in a psychiatrist outpatient clinic and has a private practice. with twenty years experience in psychotherapy. Silvet studied acting in New York, freelances as a creative writer and is an accomplished photographer. Silvet Sufar Shalit is the mother of Eitan, a 20-year-old autistic young man.

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